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Perceptions and Realities
Recently; to be precise on March 13, 2000, while I was in China. I received an Email that read as follows;

"How can you say half the things on your website? Knowing the type of person you really are?

A father who never took any responsibility in the raising of two children out of three.  Who shows up on a whim after what twenty some odd years and acts like nothing has taken place. I was just too damned shocked that I could hardly speak and that is not normal for me. I take care of myself without help, that is how it has been for the majority of my life. You threw me away is how I perceived it. Did you ever think about that; really think about how it affected me? No, I would guess not. Since all I was introduced to was a self-centered, stuck on himself. Who could only talk about a wonderful life that he led without us. Like I really wanted to hear about your happiness {self-centered}".

Get my drift. Just food for thought!

P.S. Do not sell my information for money.

This message was written by my youngest of two daughters. Her mother is referred to as Babs on my website. Who is also mentioned in the Micro and the Macro Bio's. Kerry was one an a half years old and her brother Mark was seven when the divorce to Babs took place. We had been married for eleven tumultuous years. Years of conflict and discord that had its' genesis in my choosing to be a minister. Her favorite barb which never left her lips "I never wanted to be a Ministers' wife in the first place".

In all reality, there should have been a divorce, six months after we were married. Before any children arrived on the scene. But this cockeyed optimist was sure that time and growth would take care of the stormy weather but it did not prove to be so.

What each of us wanted out of life; how we perceived life. The priorities, the values; we each held or didn't hold were as "night and day". Outside the bedroom, there could not have been two people less compatible. I believe Babs would agree that one of the main reasons she wanted to be married; it was a way out of the house, a key to freedom. Babs was nineteen, I was thirty-four.

 But as it is said; you cannot be free, just by changing the scenery. One cannot run away from ones'self. You take yourself along for the ride.

The contents of the above letter was written by Kerry Leigh. Who was the younger of the two daughters? The context of the events and happenings during the eleven years of marriage prior to the divorce became the examples of how we differed in perceiving others; the world and ourselves in general. We are talking about how we each structured our realities or allowed others to structure them for us. Here priorities were involved.

All three children of my first and second marriage know me only through the eyes" of their respective mothers. A knowledgeable assessment of the daily events and experiences that took place during those chaotic eighteen years {seven and eleven} would be impossible for the three children to understand. because of their ages at the time of the divorces.

It was during this eighteen-year period that I had time to think of the 'pros and cons' of divorce and the ensuing consequences. I have never been a person that operates on a whim; I think this could be verified by my Xe's.

The word by word, action by action was nonexistent to the children, except through the repeated words and bias memories of their mothers. Should either parent in a divorce which involves the very young feels the need, to vent their anger, frustration, and resentment. Or to transfer their hatred to the children. Needs to ask; what is gained in this character assassination? Except maybe to bolster ones' self-esteem or to create the "good gal" and the "bad guy" scenario.

To continually fuel the fires of resentment, down through the years. Is a type of programming that no child should be subjected too. The same as no child should be subjected to an environment that is chaotic and toxic. I speak out of my own childhood background.

To hold on to any form of negativism for ten, twenty, thirty years or a lifetime is a no-win situation. Plus, negativity has a way of jumping up and biting the one who is doing the bidding. It definitely affects the mind; body and spirit of the one who cannot let go of the past, as well as affecting the family environment. Which is not conducive for those who are living in the midst of this negativity.

Those who are embittered, who have allowed the shadows out of the past to eclipse the sunlight of the present, of their "Nows". Become less than they were intended to be; destroying not only their own balance, harmony, and peace but also those around them.

Throughout past writings, I have alluded to the need for discrimination. If ever there is an area that needs discrimination it is during a divorce. Perception of ourselves, others, the world and things of the world at times may become jaded. What we see or hear, may not be as it appears to be. It is up to each individual to discriminate between; the real from the unreal: the truth from the false and the light from the dark. Also, to choose that which is necessary over and against that which is unnecessary. This is a "cradle to the grave" task. Much of our personal conflict, misery, and woe, as well as that of the world. Is a product of improper perception and our fragmented way of thinking.

If the reader will bear with me, for a moment; I would like to go to a different level in this discussion of how we perceive or choose to perceive. We know; ourselves, others, the world and the things of the world via the mind and our bodily senses. But this knowledge is transient and always in flux; besides being highly fragmented, making it limited in scope.

We have in previous writings referred to becoming aware of awareness; which opposes the concept, the perception that we are mind, body, emotions, and feelings. This "awareness" can get rid of our limitations, the prison we have created for ourselves.

"Awareness" is being conscious of consciousness; being aware that everything that exists, exists as the {"I-am"}. There is no "this" or "that", there is but that which just is,. the "Eternal Now", the "I am" caught in an existential moment. This "Now" we speak of, is timeless; no past, no future. Time, space and casualty do not apply to Reality. This "I am-ness" is prior to the World.

The body, mind, time, space, casualty of the world appears and disappears on the screen of the "I am". The "I am" is the source of " ALL AND EVERYTHING" They have no existence without the "I-am". There must be "one", who experences the experience. For something to be manifested there has to be someone who perceives it. 

Having proposed the importance of the "I am-ness". Let it be said; The { I am}, is not the Highest, the Absolute; because the "I am-ness" depends upon the world, body and mind. But when the body dies so does the "I am". But up to that point it has been a benchmark along the way, a point of light. A possibility; a path to go beyond our human nature to our "Absolute Nature". To that "Imago Deo"; choose your term. We are talking about that which is indescribable. There are no words. It just is and always has been.

Not to know that we do not know, while at the same time deluding ourselves that we know is the height of ignorance. And we ask; to know and understand what? The "what" in this instance is, "That", which just is. Do we really know and understand who and what we are? Why we are? How do we perceive ourselves to be?

In not having the answers to these quintessential questions, we have created an illusion that we are either "this" or "that" by identification and association with an endless number of things, which we have given birth too out of our piecemeal, fragmented thinking. Which we arrogantly call "Reality".

We are not "this" or "that". We just are. We are "All and Everything". Our problem lies in the fact that we cannot see Reality as it is, rather we see it as we choose to see it. We create reality in our own image; everything takes on the stamp of our self-imposed perceptions. To repeat, we are fragmented. Out of our partial sight, we have separated ourselves from our beginnings, our Ultimate Nature, others, the World and the things of the World. We are wanderers in the "far country".

For our return back; we need to be; who and what we are. That which; we have always been. To accomplish this; we need to see who and what we are not. To deny that which we have so conveniently imaged ourselves to be. Giving no more Creedence too and stop breathing life into those images which we have created out of our own conflicts, confusion, fears, anxieties, shame or guilt. Due to our ignorance, our lack of knowledge and understanding about our true identity, our "Ultimate Nature".

As has been said; we are both the problem and the solution. Until we get it right; the World will not be right. We are the World and because this is so; the problem, our problem is in our "separateness". We have created and continue to create the gulfs, the divides, and the chasms. It is we who stand apart, one from the other. It is we who have invented all the expressions, the images, the creeds, dogmas, rituals, traditions, customs, languages, institutions, organizations, societies and governments that spawn this separateness.

We have further added to the problem of "separateness" by coining such words as; capitalists, socialists, communists, fundamentalists or conservative, liberal or libertarian. Then we have thrown in; American, British, French, and Asian. Or words like; Jewish, Christian, Islamic, Buddhist and the lists go on. Or whatever label we might invent or conjure up, to separate ourselves from "they, them and those".

We talk about our kind of people, those who are like-minded. We catalogue, classify and categorize people into levels of importance or non-importance, or their acceptability, or levels of rightness, etc.

We do everything in our power to devise ways, means and instruments to perpetuate this "separateness". Even to the point of the taking of lives. In creating this posture of "separateness"; we have lost ourselves, we have lost each other. We have lost "all and Everything". We are less than human, for we have lost our "humanness". Until we choose to close the gaps, the divides, of all those things which separate us. We will continue to create and live in a world of misery, despair, conflict, and chaos.

There is a great need for each of us to realize that we are one with "All and Everything". We are family, even in our diversities. We are bound together, for we are of the "same substance". Out of the same "Source", the same "Image". Simply; because of "who and what", we just are in the fullest sense.

When each walks through the "door of perception" and becomes and is that which he or she was intended to be, "imaged" to be. Only then will the clothes of "separateness" fall away. And we will be one with " All and everything". And all with the "All in All."

Several paragraphs back, we said that if we are to arrive at some knowledge and understanding of ourselves. Our hope lies in finding out who or what we are not. Such as; we are not our bodies, our feelings, and emotions, nor our thinking. Our "I am-ness" reaches out beyond our human nature, beyond the ego, the personality, the self, as we know it. This entity of which we speak: has been called by many names. Soul, spirit, essence, intrinsic core, one's Ultimate Nature or Being, the Over-self, "The Self ", the "Inner- Light", the Very Substance of the Very Substance. And last, but certainly not the least, the Christian affirmation, the "Imago Deo".

Relating to the above semantics, we find such words as self-actualization {Goldsmith and Maslow}, self-realization {Yoga}, Cosmic Consciousness {Bucke}, God -consciousness or God-Mind, Unity Consciousness {Mysticism}, Christ-Consciousness {Christian}.

It is not that we are lacking in reference points, or "points of light" along the way. Our problem of discovering, of seeking out the meaning of life. As to where we fit into the schema of things. Partially lies in our intent, our sincerity, our earnestness', our dedication and commitment in finding out. "Who and what we are not". So that we might best understand "who and what we are".

If we will but persevere, be singular in our seeking after the necessary versus the unnecessary. The real versus the unreal, the truth versus the false, the light versus the dark. It will come to be., we will be. And all separateness will fall away.


On November 18, 2011; I received the following comment in my website "Guestbook" from a Mister Mike Smith from Houston,Tx.

"My kids grew-up in Southwest Houston with your two children (M&K) that you abandoned. You never wrote or called. You couldn't be found when they looked for you. I remember you visited them that one time for an hour or so when you came riding in on your motorcycle and they never saw you again. And here you are promoting yourself as a Saint. SHAME ON YOU!

 I thought I would speak to my distinguished "Judge, Jury and Prosecutor" of the above words.

Sir: Not all things are "Black and White" nor are ones' opinions, assumptions or hypothesis, necessarily a reality.

You did not walk in my shoes during those past eleven years of marriage. The divorce happened in 1971 Mark was six and Kerry was one an a half years old. My ex remarried.

There is an old saying in Africa: "One should not live in a grass hut and build a fire." We have a similar saying; "one who lives in a glass house should not throw stones."

They do say; "He who is without fault, throw the first stone."

All those who suffer from an urge of self-rightness, need to pause and reflect before putting on the hat of judge, jury and prosecutor and ask; " Am I without error?"

"Happy Trails"






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